


I Don't Eat Junk Food

by hotchoco195



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jossverse
Genre: Angst, Drunk Sex, First Time, M/M, Past Character Death, Post - 'Chosen'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 01:32:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotchoco195/pseuds/hotchoco195
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sunnydale is destroyed, Xander goes off to find himself, and finds another lost soul in the process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Eat Junk Food

Xander looked out over the burnt yellow plateau, the few trees standing stark against the sky. That was the first thing he noticed about Africa –the blueness of it. There was a richness to it he hadn’t found in California. The sun seemed less bright, but hotter, more intense. Everything melted together into a hip-rolling sway without time or demonic emergencies or distractions. That was the worst part.

He’d escaped the Potentials – sorry, Slayers – and finally got a little space all his own. Africa had sounded so appealingly empty. There was no wait for the bathroom, there was no one cluttering up the kitchen and eating all his chocolate, no one’s snoring kept him up all night. And for the first week that silence had been so comforting. He’d slept all day, waiting out the heat and catching up on seven years of late nights and early mornings. At night he walked around the lake, or sat on his porch in the hammock with a beer and just counted the stars. He’d never had a chance to just look at them before. There were more important things on the ground.

Then when he couldn’t stay in his dreams all day, when he couldn’t drink to cover up the night, the reality caught up with him. He was alone because he needed to be, because he couldn’t just be Xander in the Slayer mayhem of rounding up newbies and finding new homes. Because there was no room for Anya there, and he still needed her. She was an almost physical itch, like the ones he got in his stolen eye – and it only got worse since there was nothing to scratch. Every time he tried to sleep he saw her smile, heard her nagging him about something trivial, and he knew there was no one else to miss her. So he’d gone to Africa, because someone had to do it, and properly.

No one knows how to find him. The girls call sometimes, and he writes to Giles. He sent Andrew a fish he’d caught himself – the little guy always liked specimens. They were all up to their neck in Council work, something that didn’t feel right to him. Sure, they’d taken a little time to celebrate, but then it was back to work. No chance to sit around and mope when there were lost little girls to recruit. He felt like the world just kept spinning faster and their golden days were slipping away. They were almost as bad as the old Council – no time for emotion, all business. How could the one-eyed carpenter help them now? All his ‘emotional support’ cred was crumbling around him.

Xander lay in the hammock, letting it lull him out of his thoughts. _Have to make another trip into town tomorrow. Almost out of gin._ The last swill of the bottle taunted him – a challenge. You have to sit up to drink me. Can you be bothered? Can you be bothered with anything now she’s gone? It wasn’t even just Anya, it was everything; his parents, his birthplace, the site of all his memories and all he’d ever known. He was safe there (well, as safe as you can be as the Slayer’s best friend on a Hellmouth). He fit, in his own outcast way. He didn’t really fit in Africa, but it didn’t matter as much. He started humming an old song, daring the gin bottle to tip itself towards him.

“Xander? That you?”

He almost fell out of the hammock in his rush to sit up. A dark shape separated from the surrounding shadows and stepped into the pitiful light of his insect lamp. The harsh white light reflected off Spike’s dead skin, making him look even ghostlier.

“Spike. Great, time to cut me off. How’s Hell?”

“Wouldn’t know mate. Never made it.”

Xander frowned as a mosquito flew around the vampire. “That can’t be right. You look kinda solid.”

Spike raised his scarred brow. “Yeah, I did the ghost thing for awhile. It’s overrated. What are you doing out in the middle of nowhere, Harris?”

He came closer, twisting the bottle in Xander’s grip so he could read it.

“And half cut at that. My my, what would the wicca say?”

“Something about always being there for me, and then she would babble for an hour and run home to make out with Kennedy.”

“Ouch. You didn’t answer the question.”

“I’m taking a vacation, but you already know that, since you’re a figment of my imagination.”

Spike laughed, throwing himself back into the broken armchair next to his hammock, the one with its stuffing hanging sadly from one side. _Fully furnished my ass._

“Hate to tell you mate, but I am very much real again. Though I can see how you might be confused, what with the drinkin’ and all.”

“Pssh, yeah, sure. You _can’t_ be real, because why would you be in Africa? Or how in God’s name would you find _me_ in Africa?”

“Well,” Spike said around his cigarette as he lit it, “To be totally honest? I’m looking for that bloke that gave me my soul back. And you, I could pick your stink from half an ocean away Harris. All wood varnish and misery.”

“I do not stink!”

“Course not precious. Have another drink.”

“I can’t.” Xander frowned at the empty bottle, and Spike had to clamp down on his smoke to keep from laughing at the whelp’s sorrowful pout. He was still just a big man-child, even with the serious eyepatch. He rummaged around in his duster pocket and pulled out his trusty flask.

“Here, bourbon. Though I’m not sure why I’m wasting it on you.”

Xander took it with a grateful nod, and swigged deep. He swiped the back of his hand over his mouth and offered the flask to Spike. “Did you say something about a soul? Cos if you decide to get rid of yours again, I’ll have to stake you, truce or no truce.”

“Relax you muppet. I just wanted to ask him some questions.”

“What kind of questions?”

“None of your business.”

“Ah, that kind.”

They were quiet for a long while, passing the flask back and forth. Sober Xander would have been all about the questions: how are you here? Does Buffy know? Where did you go after Sunnydale got eaten? Do I really smell of wood after all this time? But Drunk Xander sifted through the jumble and came up with the one thing he definitely shouldn’t, couldn’t ask.

“What did it feel like? When you died?”

Spike choked on his mouthful of bourbon, hitting himself in the chest as he coughed. “’Scuse me?”

“What was it like? I mean, how did you feel, you know. After.”

The vampire looked him over. Harris was obviously not in any state for conversation. _Probably won’t even remember it in the morning_.  So there was really no harm in answering the question, even if it made his stomach snarl into acidic knots.

“How what felt, the burning to a cinder and exploding in my own skin, or...the being dead part? Well, deader.”

“That one.”

Spike was quiet for so long Xander thought he wasn’t going to answer, or that this _was_ all a dream and he might wake up now.

“Don’t know much about where I was. Sorta why I’m here, actually. I had no notion of time, or space really. I guess my soul was locked up safe in that bloody amulet, but I just felt kind of...content. Like I’d done me bit, saved the world, and it was all right again. Then I get dragged back and land in bloody Peaches’ office, of all places.”

“But you felt good, right? Like dying for a bunch of humans was okay? You didn’t resent us dragging you into it?”

Spike frowned, a little confused. “Course I didn’t. I could have left town before it all started, but I stuck it out, and I took me comfort from knowing I’d helped make her job a little bit easier.”

Spike watched Xander mouth ‘her job’ and sat up. “Here, you’re not talking about me now. This is about your demon lass.”

“I am not discussing her with _you_.” Xander scowled. Spike was wearing out his buzz. How would he ever get to sleep if the stupid peroxide-loving evil thing said her name? It was so much easier here in Africa, where absolutely no one knew her. It was easier not having to share her.

“Look, I may not have been there myself, but I know there’s a place for heroes and good folk. You don’t have to worry about Anya. She’s probably up there enjoying her eternal reward.”

“Rub it in, Spike. Yeah, she’s dead. Because of me.”

“Bollocks. Did you ask her to give up her powers?”

“No, but-”

“Did you ask her to stay and help us fight?”

“Well, not exact-”

“Then you didn’t get her killed. She was a grown woman, been around a lot longer than you or I. She made her choice.”

“I still don’t understand why.”

“Same reason I did.”

They were quiet for a moment, just staring up at the stars. Not the same stars as Sunnydale, not the same stars Buffy and Dawn and Willow and Giles might be looking at right now. Not stars Anya would have seen – but who knows? She’d had a whole life before him. _And now she has nothing_.

Spike sighed. “Once upon a time, you could look up at the stars and make a wish. But now they’re wasted on satellite junk and planes taking people somewhere better.”

The younger man shrugged. “I was never one for wishing anyway.”

The flask was empty, and he was starting to come down from that beautiful black oblivion again. Maybe he should just go to bed, before the alcohol was totally out of his system.

“Well Spike, I don’t have much to offer you in the way of a bed, but you can stay here til sunset.”

“Worst damn thing about this continent. The nights are so bloody short.”

But Xander knew there were worse things than the sun, strange as it might be sometimes.

“We used to own this place, you know? When I was a lad practically the whole world belonged to us.”

“Must be where you get that big head from. Left-over conquerors’ pride.” the Scooby muttered as he hauled himself up out of the hammock.

“Nah, that’s from Angelus pushing me to be the most vicious demon I could be, and Darla always droning on about the prestige of the Order of Aurelius. Wonder who’s in charge now? God, I hope it’s not Peaches.”

“That’s great and all, but I kind of want to get to sleep before the sun comes up. Can we take this inside?”

“Should move before morning, s’pose. Didn’t come all the way to Africa to get dusted again.”

Spike stood, making the move look so easy, even though he had to be as tipsy as Xander. He followed the brunette inside his humble house. It was quite empty – a big room with a couch and a kitchen area, a bathroom with door ajar and a huge mosquito net covering the bed in one corner.

“Guess I’m on the couch then.” Spike folded his duster up and flung it over the back of the rough brown upholstery.

Xander waved a hand indifferently and headed straight for his bed, ducking under the swath of white netting. Spike kicked off his Docs and stripped down to just jeans, sprawling out along the couch facing Xander. Without wondering why, he watched the younger man undress. The carpenter’s hair was shaggier than ever but his torso was still toned like a fighter’s. The golden skin was surprisingly unscarred for a follower of the Slayer. Xander let the shirt fall off his arms onto the floor and shucked out of his three-quarter khakis. Spike was unexpectedly disappointed that the lad was wearing boxers that left everything to the imagination, and then more so when Xander crawled under the thin sheets. _Wait – what am I thinking? It’s the whelp! Slayer’s pet. Jesus, no more drinking with former mortal enemies, Spike_. Xander turned out the light and Spike closed his eyes, determined to forget it ever happened.

Xander was a little nervous having the unchipped Spike sleep not even ten feet away. _It’s fine. Relax. He has a soul now. And before that he wasn’t so bad anyway – apart from that year where he was always trying to kill us, and the one after that with the kidnapping, and then the Gem of Amara stuff. And that time he stun-gunned Buffy to try and make her love him. Okay, so he’s been kind of a dick to us, but that was a couple of years ago and very, very pre-soul. It’s fine._

Even so, he couldn’t fall asleep. The last haze of booze should have been enough to drag him under, but he couldn’t resist checking. He glanced over at Spike stealthily. The vampire seemed to be out of it, but it was hard to tell with someone that didn’t breathe. His eyes were closed and he was still, so hopefully that meant he was dead to the world. He certainly looked dead. The faintest trace of moonlight from outside was falling over Spike’s bare chest, giving it a gleam like a statue. _Or a corpse. Since, you know, he is one_. Not that Spike looked creepy. He was actually a little cute, his hair slightly ruffled, those long dark lashes against such milk-white skin. His face was all hard angles, but his lips were pouting in a begging-to-be-kissed way. _I did not just think that about the guy who screwed my ex-fiancé. Yeah, Mr Attempted-Rapist is real sexy. God, I did not just think that! Go to sleep, Xander._

That worked for all of five minutes before Xander had to open his eye again, just to check Spike was still asleep. Honestly. The vampire had shifted slightly, one arm thrown above his head, delicate fingers dangling over the arm of the couch. The other hand was flat on that stony stomach, resting just above the black line of his jeans. Xander was mildly awed by the planes of Spike’s hips, the way the muscles sunk into that deep v before disappearing under the denim. He might have a little muscle from his construction work and kicking demon ass, but he was still bulky. Spike had this gaunt, almost feminine slimness to him. But he was still toned, defined; it was just more of a wiry thing than big, bulging biceps and monster abs. Xander might have admitted he liked it, if he acknowledged such thoughts existed. _I should make sure that window’s properly covered. Just in case_.

Spike opened one eye just a fraction. The boy was standing in front of the couch, legs touching the seat as he leant over. He was trying to keep quiet as he hooked a blanket over the gap between the curtains and the wall, but failing miserably. _His depth perception must still be a bit off. Or humans just really can’t see in the dark, I don’t remember_. Spike stayed perfectly still. Xander’s stomach was only inches from his face, all toned Californian tan and hairless but for the little trail of dark brown between his navel and the elastic of those black cotton boxers. He could feel things stirring in his jeans as he studied the little stretch of thigh near his head with a poet’s eye, and he forced himself to lie still so as not to scare the boy off.

Xander wobbled against the edge of the couch as he tried to lean over it without touching one speck of Spike. His attempts to block the space above the window were useless, and he sighed loudly as a half-hearted curse. He froze, looking down at Spike to see if he’d woken the vamp. _How the hell would I explain this?_ But the blond looked as serene as ever. He looked kind of small for this angle actually, almost vulnerable with Xander towering over him. His gaze moved down over the envy-inspiring pecs to that small dip of Spike’s navel, and then lower to the bulge totally visible under the tight jeans. _I always sort of wondered how things work down there. For vamps_. _Oh God, staring at Spike’s crotch!_ He shook himself out of it and almost sprinted back to bed, half-strangling himself in the mosquito net as he wiggled in.

 _Well_ , thought Spike, _this could be interesting in the morning_.

*****

Xander woke up in time to catch the last dregs of a mild hangover. He stumbled into the bathroom and found the bottle of painkillers under the sink, sighing with relief as the banging in his head faded away. But the absence of distracting aches reminded him of the undead creature on his couch. Tentatively, he peered around the edge of the bathroom door. Spike still looked out of it, sprawled across the couch and safe from the light sneaking in at the top of the curtains. Not wanting to deal with him for as long as possible, Xander tiptoed around the house and got himself dressed, leaving the door unlocked as he left. For some strange reason, he didn’t want Spike to feel trapped. Shaking his head over this whimsy, he started walking towards the village.

*****

Spike was awake but still on the couch when he returned, supplies in hand.

“Breakfast?” Xander asked, stowing the brown bags of liquor in the kitchen cupboard and sorting through the rest of his groceries.

“Not unless you happened to stop by the butcher’s. Or if there’s Weetabix.” Spike perked up for a second.

“Sadly, no overly-processed cereals at the local store. But they did happen to have a whole quart of antelope blood.”

Spike raised his brow as Xander walked over and offered him the clear bottle of reddish-brown. “Weird lot these Africans.”

“I like it here.” the brunette shrugged, eyes trailing down absentmindedly. Spike uncapped the bottle and sipped, the blood a dark stain on his pale lips. He paused when he realised Xander was still standing silently, staring at him.

“You right Harris?”

His tone was slightly concerned, and Xander snapped his head up. “Yeah! Just, you know, reminiscing. This whole thing reminds me of when you lived on my recliner.”

Spike snorted. “And damned uncomfortable it was. Smelt like cat’s piss and mildew.”

“Yeah.” Xander muttered, his gaze once again drifting down to Spike’s bare chest. It was just so white – he’d spent years around Spike, so he’d seen him topless occasionally, but he’d never seemed so colourless. Maybe it was just the brightness everywhere else, or maybe Spike’s big, brash persona had always given him more life than he actually had. Souled Spike was quieter, and it meant there was less to distract from the very deadness of Spike. Xander would have quite happily stood there and pondered Spike’s straddling of life and death all day, but he realised the vampire was looking at him worriedly again and he hurried back to the fridge. Grabbing a pan, he started throwing bacon and eggs together, ignoring the soft sloshing sounds of Spike finishing his breakfast behind him. It was starting to get warmer, his pitiful ceiling fan fighting the rising heat leeching into the building. Xander flipped his eggs and leant into the hint of breeze with a sigh.

 _What is the whelp’s deal?_ Spike frowned as he put the empty bottle aside. _Going crazy out here in the wilderness?_ The boy seemed to be looking at him all the time. For the moment he was messing about at the pathetic excuse for a stove and Spike took the opportunity to give him a proper inspection. The boy filled out his white singlet and khakis fine, so he wasn’t starving himself. No beer gut yet, though last night’s drunken display definitely wasn’t a one-off. His hair was unkempt and he had at least four days worth of stubbly beard. All in all, nothing too worrying or out of the ordinary for a man who’d just lost the ex-demon love of his life. And the rugged look sort of worked for him, with the shiny black eye patch. He looked a lot less like the floppy goof of Sunnydale High and more like the demon fighter and saver of Earth he was. Spike hurriedly looked away as Xander turned with plate in hand and settled into the lonely armchair opposite his couch.

“So, you never told me why you were here.” the boy managed between mouthfuls.

“Yeah I did. Told you I wasn’t telling.”

“Aw come on Spike. I thought the new soulful you was all about sharing.”

Spike pierced him with a ‘fuck-off’ look but Xander persisted.

“I mean, we’ve known each other how long? And fought innumerable evil together.”

“So?”

“We both hate Angel.”

“That’s a good point. Ponce.”

“Dawn’s had crushes on both of us.”

“Niblet? What did she see in you?”

“Hey! I was funny Xander! Girls like that.”

Spike rolled his eyes.

“You never did apologise for knocking me out and threatening to kill me so Willow would do that love spell for you.”

The vampire snorted. “Please – I was half cut that whole nightmarish week. Besides, what’s a little fisticuffs when you’ve fought innumerable evil side by side, eh?”

Xander thought for a moment as he chewed. “Ok. You never apologised for Anya.”

He was silent, staring at the couch as if he could count the individual fibres. _Which, with vampiric eyesight, he might actually be able to do_.

“Look, I’m not sorry about that. It was just something we both needed, that’s all. A-a collision of broken hearts. But I am sorry you had to see it.”

“Thanks, that somehow doesn’t make me feel better.” Xander grimaced as he set his empty plate to one side.

“You’re the one that wanted to talk! Bloody do-gooders and their touchy-feely chats.”

“Don’t look now, but I think you fall into that category now _Soul_ boy.”

Spike said nothing, just pouted in a way that Xander definitely did _not_ find adorable. The whole situation was making him think of Larry in a way that was freaking him out, and he made to get up. Spike shot out a hand with those damn preternatural reflexes, grabbed his shirt and pulled him to the edge of the couch cushions.

“You wanna know why I dragged my carcass all the way back to Africa? Okay. I need to see that bloke who gave me my soul because...well...I need to know what’s gonna happen to it next time I get dusted.”

Xander sank onto the arm of the couch slowly, watching Spike’s mouth all screwed up with concern.

“Never been a vampire with a soul who died before me. But I didn’t really die, see? I was all ghosting around Peaches’ office. If I meet the fiery end of a stick again, I have to know I’m not getting a one-way ticket to the blazing caverns of torment and pain.”

“But the stuff you did as a demon shouldn’t count.”

“No, nothing I did before I got the soul back counts. I was an immoral demon, can’t be punished for that. But after the soul? I killed people Xander.”

“That was the First.”

“I still did it. Hadn’t had it more than a few months before I got it all dirty. I need to know how the soul/demon balance works. Figured this was the place to come.”

Xander was quiet as he thought it over. They’d never been best friends, but Spike was an alright guy now. He didn’t like to think that there might be a day when that soul had to pay for things out of its control.

“Thanks. For telling me.”

Spike sniffed disdainfully. “Figured you wouldn’t stop pestering me ‘til I did.”

Xander gave him a scathing look. “Bite me.”

“Don’t tempt me. I heard somewhere that you’re both moist _and_ delicious.”

“That’s right. Prime platelets here buddy.”

They were both snickering, and then Xander was leaning down and kissing Spike, who sat there frozen for a split second before kissing him back. It felt like whole suns had exploded behind Xander’s eyes, the first touch of those cool lips on his. The rest of the room seemed to melt away until the only thing left was that pair of smooth, firm lips pushing hard and then the space where they weren’t anymore. He actually whimpered a little at the loss.

“Xander? Do we need to talk about this?” Spike asked, and Xander could hear his brow was raised even with his eyes still shut.

“Nope, you were right. Talking’s overrated.” The human shook his head furiously, seizing the blond’s jaw between his hands and kissing him again.

Spike knew he should stop this and figure out what was going through the boy’s head. And then figure out a way to make sure Buffy and Red and Rupert NEVER heard about it. But there was this huge wall of tension in his kisses, something that was loneliness and grief and confusion and a desperate need for someone to understand. And if there was one thing Spike understood better than most, it was how it felt to miss someone you could never have again. So he turned off his brain and pulled Xander off the arm of the chair and into his lap. The brunette immediately started running his hands up and down Spike’s bare chest, tracing all the ridges of hard muscle and grabbing at the skin like quicksilver – cool and slick but liquid over the flesh below. Spike rid the carpenter of his shirt and leapt at the chance to lick his way up that square jaw, swirling his tongue around the curls of Xander’s ear. The human shivered and pressed himself forwards, pushing Spike against the back of the couch and settling so he was straddling the vampire. Khaki grated on denim as he shifted slightly, his tongue seeking entrance to Spike’s mouth and getting it. It was like no other kiss he’d ever had, Spike’s mouth invisible in terms of temperature but their tongues locked together nonetheless. It almost felt like he was kissing the air, if not for the very solid feel of the other man against him. _Whoa, wait. Is this – am I- what are we doing? Is Spike bi? Are all vampires bi? Does that mean Spike and Angel – oh this is weird, weird, WEIRD_.

Spike could feel the moment the whole situation hit Xander as his tongue slowed down almost to a stop and he went rigid in Spike’s hold. He knew it was the sensible thing, just stop before it got nuts, but he still had that nagging feeling the boy really needed this. So he pulled back and ran a comforting hand down Xander’s spine.

“Don’t over think it. Just trust me. Can you do that?”

Xander gave him a very conflicted look, but nodded. Spike smiled and kissed him again. Xander’s hands pressed into his chest, a little unsure at first, but as Spike deepened the kiss the boy got bolder. He swirled his rough fingertips over the dead skin, forgetting who it belonged to for now. Spike took the lead, steadily running his own hands all over Xander’s torso without being too demanding. He broke the kiss and dragged his human teeth over the other man’s neck and shoulders gently, down to his chest. He licked one pinkish-brown nipple quickly, then the other. Xander gasped and dug his fingers into the sleep-mussed blonde waves to hold Spike there. The vampire complied, taking his time sucking each nubbin until it was stiff and then nipping at the swollen flesh. He moved upwards again, aiming for Xander’s mouth, but the boy stopped him. _Okay, so, vampire. This should be a no-brainer, right?_ Leaning in, the Scooby pressed his lips to Spike’s neck in a series of hard but fleeting kisses. When he got to the bend of the older man’s shoulder, he ran his tongue along the prominent collarbone and back again, then bit – hard. Spike moaned loudly and bucked his hips up. Xander froze at the hard denim-covered bulge that brushed against him, but Spike growled at the pause and he quickly went back to his exploration of the pale shoulder between his lips. _Wow. I did that – Xander Harris, turned on a former mass-murderer and original punk. Cool_. Determined to find out what else got Spike to make that low, feral groan, Xander moved down his chest in short, sharp bites that left a long red trail of spots in their wake. When he clamped a nipple between his teeth and flicked his tongue over it, Spike made a noise that made Xander shoot upright.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Did you just _purr_?”

“I’m a bloody vampire, I don’t fucking purr.”

Xander laughed. “Yeah, I think you did. Wow, Big Bad Spike is just a cuddly little kitten, aren’t ya?”

His smirk was instantly wiped away as Big Bad Spike grabbed his semi-hard cock through his shorts. Xander leant into the touch with a silent moan, his lips moving but powerless to make any actual sound as the material rubbed against him.

“Let’s see what noises _you_ make, pet.”

Spike, figuring the other man would jump off his lap if he went too far, popped the button free on Xander’s fly. Almost immediately the zipper slid down and the turgid tip of his prick burst out through the opening. Spike whistled silently as he delicately freed the rest, the flesh rapidly stiffening under his hand. As tanned as everything else, it was thick. Not huge – definitely not Angelus-size, but still a nice length. Spike pressed his thumb to the slit at the end and Xander hissed. He wobbled a little, but the blond clamped his other hand tight around his waist and held him steady. He began to pump his fist up and down Xander’s cock, flicking his thumb over the weeping slit every time he got to the top, giving a little twist at the bottom. His mouth went back to worshipping the broad chest in his face, using teeth and tongue and lips over every muscle and curve.

Xander was having a hard time concentrating. He knew he should be reciprocating somehow – and truthfully, he wanted to touch Spike, but he was struggling to hold himself up. The hand around his shaft was so _new_. It wasn’t hot and sweaty, just slick with his own precum and very, very cool. The heat of the room pressed against him but he sank into that chill spreading through him from his cock, down his thighs, up to his navel. Spike moved faster and pulled a bit harder and suddenly there was an answering chill all through Xander’s shoulders. He leant harder on the lips caressing his ribs, eye shut tight as he let himself feel for the first time in...the longest time. Since...

Spike could feel Xander’s pants speed up, the muscles flexing literally in front of his face. He knew the boy was holding back, maybe not as absorbed in this as he was supposed to be. So he moved the hand that had been rubbing Xander’s spine down further, sliding around those flat hips until he could tease the wrinkled skin of his balls. He tugged them very gently, a stark contrast to the furious movement of his hand on the boy’s member. When Spike pushed his thumb hard against the patch of skin behind his balls, Xander’s eye shot open as he came in a yelp. Warm, sticky white splashed over Spike’s fingers and chest and he slowed his strokes, until finally Xander’s groan died out and he sat back on Spike’s thighs with a thud.

“See? Such pretty noises.” Spike leered wickedly. He brought his spunk-covered hand to his mouth and licked his fingers clean, eyes never leaving Xander’s. The white hat was staring at Spike’s pink tongue dragging along each pale digit, his chest rising and falling steadily as he came down from his climax.

“So obviously you’ve done this before.”

Spike shrugged. “Demons don’t mind much who they fuck.”

“Gives me a whole new world of ew to think about.”

“You didn’t seem to mind a minute ago.”

“Oh I didn’t. But now I’m having unnecessary mental images of where you learned to do that.”

“It wasn’t him. You can relax.”

Xander did seem visibly relieved at that. Spike watched him silently, trying to guess what else was going through that dark head. _Hope he gets his first-time processing done quick. These jeans are gonna kill me if something’s not done about it soon_. But he didn’t have to wait long, because almost instantly the hands that had been idly resting on his thighs crept higher, worming their way back up to his chest as Xander leant forward and kissed him. Spike raised his brows as the other man’s tongue swept through his mouth, wiping up every last trace of himself on Spike’s lips. He shuffled backwards, slipping over Spike’s knees and nudging them apart with his hips so he could kneel between them. Xander dipped his head down, scattering kisses across the sharp angles of Spike’s ribs. He kept going, circling the slight dip of Spike’s navel with his tongue and then sinking his teeth into the muscle over his hips. Spike jerked upwards, growling as his trapped prick collided with Xander’s chest. But then Xander’s fingers were fidgeting with his button, and he was pulling the zip down very slowly. _Like unwrapping a present_ , Xander smirked. For a split second, he pondered the fact he was finally gonna see what all the fuss was about – Spike’s big appeal that had all the girls tripping over themselves. Then the vampire growled again and twitched his hips at the lack of movement, and he told his brain to focus on something more urgent.

Spike could barely believe it (if any of this was believable) when Xander started peeling the denim back. He winced as the warm air hit his dick, groaning with relief as Xander gingerly reached in and pulled him out. The look on his face could be classified as definite panic, or at the very least worry, and his moron soul made him give the boy a way out.

“Look, you don’t have to do this-”

“Shut up Spike.”

He opened his mouth to insist, but Xander leant down and touched the tip to his lips. Spike’s brain packed up and left as he flung his head back, mouth wide. Warm, wet human lips – parting! And a tongue almost twice as hot, timid at first but then bolder as it traced the ridge underneath from the end all the way down to his balls. _God, why didn’t I try this back in that bloody basement?_

Xander had never seen another guy’s junk this close before. It was kind of interesting, when you actually got a chance to look it over. He figured it worked the same way as his, so he zigzagged the tip of his tongue back up along the hard ridge and Spike made that moan again. _He purrs. I fucking knew it._ Grinning now, Xander wrapped his lips around just the head and sucked. The purring was a bit louder that time, and he moved another inch closer and tried it again. Slowly, pausing in between, he worked his way up Spike’s cock until he’d managed to get three-quarters of it in his mouth. He sucked hard, nostrils working overtime to help fight his gag reflex. _What the hell – give it a try_. Taking one last hard sniff, he pushed forward until Spike hit the back of his throat. He pulled back straight away, dragging his teeth probably a bit too roughly, but Spike acted as if he’d been electrocuted. His eyes were bulging as he watched Xander take another breath and start licking the tip again. The boy alternated between lips and tongue, swirling his spit all over the slit at the end until it was mixed with Spike’s mildly salty precum, then sucking hard.

“Jesus Xander, you sure you never done this before?”

“Nope.” was the garbled response around a mouthful of Spike.

The vampire purred at the vibration and Xander took him deep into his mouth again, humming silently. Spike’s fingers dug into his hair until he thought it was going to rip out at the roots, but Xander kept going. He was bobbing up and down now, Spike’s hands pressing down insistently despite his attempts to control himself. Xander could tell what he wanted, and managed to catch his eye and nod awkwardly. Spike took half a second to think about it, then pistoned himself into Xander’s mouth, trying to remember not to choke the human as he fucked his face. Xander, understandably freaked by Spike’s considerable bulk flying at him rapidly, focussed on breathing and just let the vampire go. When he started to feel a bit dizzy from the increasing lack of oxygen, he clutched at Spike’s thighs and moaned. The blond shuddered, freezing with his hands still clamping Xander’s mouth almost to his balls as he came. Xander swallowed the thin and surprisingly warm ooze as it hit his throat, praying Spike would let go when his muscles relaxed. Sure enough, the vampire’s hand fell away, and he drew back gasping. His lungs were killing him, white pockets of pain as air rushed back into them. His head was a haze of blood throbbing against his temples. But after a few more deep breaths, the pain lessened, and after a few more he felt well enough to open his eye.

Spike was hauled out of his post-orgasmic bliss by the hyperventilating human on the floor. Cursing, he slid off the couch on floppy limbs and wrapped his arms around the boy’s waist, resting his chin on Xander’s shoulder and muttering nonsense. Eventually his breathing calmed and he relaxed back into Spike’s hold.

“That was right stupid of you pet. Vamps don’t need to breathe – and we tend to forget it’s so important when there’s a warm throat on offer.”

“Hey, I wanted to try. And I think I need some scuba training before I try it again.”

“Again?”

Xander half-turned to look over his shoulder at the frowning Englishman. “If you’re gonna hang around long enough for me to experiment.”

“Oh Lord, what have I created? Did I turn the upstanding Xander Harris into a flaming poof?”

“You wish.”

Spike smirked as his hands drifted down to rub Xander’s still-exposed prick. It twitched in response and he cackled at the distracted look on the boy’s face.

“Should get on with this lesson then. We’re wasting daylight.”

He stood, pulling Xander up with him and spun him so they were face-to-face again. Spike kissed him, tasting himself all over someone who was once a mortal enemy and major pain in the ass. _Hellmouth weirdness extends across continents, I see_. He walked them backwards the half-dozen steps to Xander’s bed, pushing the curtain aside just long enough for them to both slip through. Xander’s hands were locked around Spike’s neck, but he reached up and pulled them apart, pushing the boy back onto the worn sheets with his trademark mischievous grin. With a tug, the khakis were down his legs and over Spike’s shoulder; it took the vampire maybe a second longer to shuck out of his jeans. He laid on top of Xander so that every square inch of their torsos were touching and kissed him, his lips slow and almost soft this time. Xander wrapped his hands around those bony hips and pulled Spike even closer, until they pressed into each other almost painfully. Spike’s fingers roamed up and down Xander’s neck, the vampire allowing himself to be squashed against the other man. But when Xander bit his bottom lip, hard, Spike pulled back.

“Easy there love. Keep that up and I won’t be able to help myself.”

“Maybe that’s all part of my dastardly plan.”

Spike raised his scarred brow, and Xander reached up a hand to touch the thin mark.

“Spike, I’m not gonna suddenly freak out on you. Well I might, but I still wanna do this.”

“If you’re sure...it’s no picnic.”

“But it’s worth it?”

The flush of desire in Spike’s eyes was enough for Xander. He tugged Spike down and kissed him again, nipping his bottom lip over and over. He moved downwards in hard, sharp bites to the throat and was amazed at the rough pants Spike was making in his ear. _Seems sometimes vampires need to breathe after all._

“You got something?”

He nodded and rummaged around in the simple bedside drawers for what was too long an interval, if Spike’s insistent nibbling on his shoulder was any indication.

“Aha!” he turned triumphantly, a small tube in hand.

Spike took it and unscrewed the cap with his teeth, spitting it aside. He dripped a fair amount of the clear goo on his fingers and sat up. Xander eagerly drew his knees up, feet flat on the bed. He felt very exposed, especially with Spike staring at him so intensely. He gasped when the slick fingers closed around the head of his prick, circling it for only a moment before slowly moving down the underside. Spike paused at his balls, feeling the weight of them, rubbing the crease before continuing to that magic spot just behind. Then one sopping digit came into cool contact with Xander’s tight ring. He tried to stay relaxed as it ran over the puckered skin and then edged inside. _That’s really not so bad_. Spike withdrew quickly and added more lube, this time working his finger all the way in. Xander inhaled sharply as he pushed past the tight muscles. _Ok, bit uncomfortable_. But then Spike starting moving in and out and Xander didn’t care.

Spike was watching Xander carefully as he started thrusting his finger within the brunette. The slight grimace disappeared as his whole face went slack, and Spike grinned, searching for that sweet spot  he knew was there. When his nail brushed Xander’s prostate, the other man bucked, yelped and dug his fingers into the sheets at the same time.

“Aaah. There we go.” Spike cooed, flicking his finger that way again.

Xander squirmed as Spike hit it repeatedly, tilting his hips up to allow better access. He moaned when Spike pulled out a little, but instead of stopping he merely added a second finger. The new stretch was awkward at first but Spike just kept stroking that place inside that no one but Anya had ever known about, and Xander found himself spreading wider, trying to get more of Spike inside him. He pleaded with his eye and his stream of gasps, and maybe the vampire took pity because he added a third finger. Xander’s eyes would have crossed if he’d still had two as the pressure building up in his guts shot through the roof.

Spike knew this was as ready as they were ever gonna get. He used his free hand to tip a generous dollop of lube over his rock-hard shaft, making sure everything was coated well before withdrawing his fingers. Xander whimpered, but in the next instant Spike had a hand on each thigh and his head past the first ring of muscles. The boy groaned loudly in the unnatural quiet of the house as Spike scraped along his walls. He felt like everything below his waist was on fire – elastic, gooey fire. Spike’s spike knocked against his prostate and Xander gurgled in his throat. The vampire chuckled and carefully pulled back, thrusting in again at the same slow pace. After a few more passes Xander visibly relaxed a bit, and when Spike paused again he hit his fists against the mattress.

“Impatient are we? Think you’re ready?”

“Yes Spike, God, do it!”

“I’m not sure you can handle it.”

“GOD YES, come on, please Spike.”

He grinned wickedly and plunged back in quickly. Xander’s croon only just drowned out Spike’s answering growl. _Bloody hell! Hot tight human ass – it’s been forever_. He thrust again and then gave up all efforts at teasing, pumping his hips back and forth as he drove himself deep into Xander with preternatural speed. His balls slapped against the boy’s skin in a squelchy rhythm as he pounded him into the ancient mattress. Xander was muttering his name over and over in some kind of mantra, eye squeezed shut. Spike leant forward and lifted his hips higher, holding Xander up as he impaled him with as much force as a human could stand. Xander’s hands strayed to his own cock bobbing around unattended and pulled at the painfully hard flesh. He watched Spike’s smooth chest rippling as he thrust, the powerful arms holding him up and the truly demonic grin on his face. _Wow. I might need to re-evaluate some of the things I’ve said to this guy the last few years. Who wouldn’t want to see this more than once?_ He could feel himself getting close, and his hand wasn’t moving fast enough as Spike flashed in and out of him in a blur. The vampire leant down and bit one swollen nipple and Xander fell over the edge with an agonised cry.

Spike felt his demon rising and let it, shifting into game face. He was almost there, but he knew he needed more, and he glanced up at Xander desperately. The boy seemed a little wigged by his true face, but he nodded and turned his head. Spike almost froze, shocked. _The Slayer’s pal offering up his neck. Never in my whole unlife did I expect anything less_. He leant down and slid his fangs in carefully, coming with a roar at the first drops of blood on his tongue.

Xander was completely stiff at first, cursing himself for trusting a vamp to do this. He’d never, ever done something so stupid with so little argument. But after the beginning discomfort of being poked in the neck, Spike’s pull on his vein started to feel...good. Every cell in his body seemed to be throbbing, and as Spike’s last few thrusts brushed his prostate Xander came again. Half-dazed by the spasms that had caught him completely off guard, he was dimly aware of Spike slipping out of his flesh and back into his human mask. Xander groaned with a mixture of pain and sadness as the blond pulled himself out and fell onto the bed beside him. _Oh God. I am never teasing Buff about undead fever again._

They’d been lying there for awhile in the quiet of the ceiling fan’s whirring clicks when Spike lifted his head.

“You alright over there?”

A little surprised at the concern, Xander nodded. “Yeah sure, just waiting until I can feel my legs again.”

Spike smirked. “I have that effect sometimes.”

“I never thought I’d say this Spike, but I kinda wish I was Harmony.”

“Hankering for an excuse to wear shorter skirts?”

Xander punched him with about as much force as a turtle. “No, cos she got the full kid-gloveless treatment. This was great and all – better than great, actually – but I still feel like you were holding back.”

Spike snorted. “Knew you had some kink under all that Scooby bullshit. Well you’re a little more delicate than she was, but I promise as soon as you get vamped I’ll show you how the demons do it.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Xander was flexing his arms to stretch out the kinks when Spike jumped up and started fishing pieces of clothing off the floor.

“Going somewhere?”

“Got to see a man about a soul.”

Xander nodded, wondering if they’d passed the post-orgasmic bliss phase into awkward kiss-and-run territory. He casually got out of bed and pulled on his shorts, watching Spike cover that unreal body under his layers of black. Fully dressed, the vampire gave him a brisk nod.

“So I suppose you should get going.”

“S’pose so. Only got so much night in this godforsaken place.”

“So, thanks, I guess.”

“Happy to help.”

Spike turned and walked out, the door shutting behind him quietly and suddenly Xander felt more alone than he’d felt standing on the edge of a Californian crater. He left the rest of his clothes where they lay and headed straight for his tiny kitchen, grabbing a bottle before heading back to his hammock.

*****

Xander watched the sun set again, idly scratching the bite on his neck. The bruise had completely faded now, and the scab would fall off soon. _Probably won’t even scar_. He wouldn’t have admitted it, not even to Willow, but he kind of wished it would. He wanted something to remember that afternoon by, other than a house that now felt too empty and a very faint smell of Spike on his sheets. He’d spent that first night getting drunk again, determined not to think about it too much. But over the next week, he’d tried to figure out what it meant. Ok, so the man-on-man action had never been super appealing before: no secret high school crushes he’d repressed, no lazy daydreams about cute celeb guys and certainly no wish to get groiny with Spike. But it hadn’t been bad. He’d actually been pretty into it, no more or less than he’d been into Faith or Willow or Cordy or her...Anya. And he wouldn’t mind exploring a little further, trying what he knew had to be multitudes of stuff they hadn’t gotten around to in those few short hours. No, what he couldn’t decide was whether he was attracted to guys, or whether it was just Spike. Spike, who’d known about Sunnydale. Who knew all about things that go grr in the night, who had worked hard to overcome his baser urges, who’d fought beside them when he wasn’t wanted or liked or treated even halfway human. Spike the surprisingly good listener, the secretly poetic and the incredibly beautiful. Xander had never given the vampire a second look back before the almost-end of the world, but maybe they’d both just been too distracted then. He lay in his hammock and wondered what happened when you strayed away from civilisation. A lot less lying to yourself, for one thing.

His silence was interrupted by the gruff whine of an engine. A covered Jeep appeared on the road to the village, dipping down the dirt hillocks and rounding the twists up to the cabin. It stopped a few feet away and a figure jumped out on the other side. Xander couldn’t hear what he said to the driver, but the man waved and circled the car, heading back down the road in a wall of flying dirt.

“Bit of déjà vu, this.”

“You’re up early.” Xander smiled as Spike strolled over and sat without asking.

“Took up the kind offer of a lift. Notice you’re not wallowing as much as my last visit.”

“The booze wasn’t really helping the big cloud in my head. Lots to process, ya know? I guess I decided to stop putting it off.”

Spike nodded sagely.

“I guess you had the same thing. Did you get your question answered?”

Spike hesitated, grimacing slightly, and Xander sat up.

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me. I was just...curious.”

The blond smiled. “It’s alright. I got in to see my demon guru fellow but he wasn’t too specific about things. Just kept going on about souls proving their own worth and something to do with the Shansu.”

“Shansu?”

“I dunno, thought that was Angel’s big reward. Not my cup of tea anyhow – saving the world? Been there, done that, no desire to get fried again.” He sighed.

Xander was quiet for a moment, twiddling his thumbs and wondering why it was called ‘twiddling’.

“You wanna drink?”

“God yes.”

*****

Spike poured another, sloshing it against the sides of the glass carelessly.

“So you just sat there watching him sleep? Not much of a ghost.”

“Tell you what, you haunt Peaches any bloody way you want, and I’ll do it my way. I was right irritating!”

“You’ve had almost two centuries to practice annoying people and that was what you came up with? Psssh.”

“Well my talents were limited, with having no body and all!”

“You did a better job annoying me tied up in my basement.”

“Again, watching you sleep. It’s effective. Creeps ‘em out.”

“You did better chained in Giles’ bathtub.”

“You seem to be stuck on this theme of me all helpless and restrained. Got a bit of a fantasy, pet?”

Xander laughed at Spike’s leer. “Just pointing out that ghost or not you could have driven him insane.”

“Maybe, but I like the old man just the way he is. One mad vamp in the family’s enough. I could live another thousand years and Dru would still be enough crazy for one unlifetime.”

“Whatever happened to Drusilla?”

Spike frowned for a long minute, staring up at the stars as if they could tell him.

“Haven’t the foggiest. She wouldn’t think much of me anymore though.”

“Hey, who needs a lunatic ex-girlfriend when you’ve got me and some Jack?”

“Cheers to that.”

They clinked glasses clumsily, but neither moved to sit back. Spike’s eyes seemed so clear despite all the whiskey currently blurring Xander’s brain, that pale blue so stark against the deep pupils.

“You know, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I hoped you might come back.”

“Miss me, did ya?”

“Yeah, I think I kinda did. Isn’t that weird?”

“Probably. Might have to revoke your Scooby card.”

“Spike? Shut up.”

The vampire hit the porch floor as Xander fell over the edge of the hammock and dragged him down on the way past. Their tongues were entwined in the mess of their mouths colliding, Xander’s hands strong as they pinned Spike’s hips to the decking. The blond still managed to effortlessly flip them, his thighs rubbing against Xander’s rapidly swelling crotch through their pants.

“Spike, how bout we go inside and you can teach me all about vampire suction?”

“Kid-gloveless?”

“Think you can do it?”

“Oh, I think I can manage that.”


End file.
